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Here’s what she’s thinking when you start to flirt

By Lisa Jones



In the dating game, I want you to win. But I fear failure. Yours. Mine. Ours. When it comes to dating, women are judge and jury, but the testimony we hear—mostly from our hearts, but also from our Greek chorus of girlfriends—will all take place out of your earshot. The rules are unwritten (until now), but they are set in stone.

Give us a really good reason, however, and we'll toss the tablets aside, along with most of our clothing and inhibitions. We hear every message you send—intentional or not.

So your attitude is nearly everything. We want you to show a certain degree of eagerness, but not desperation. We want you to believe in yourself and demonstrate why we should believe in you, too.

We want you to be spontaneous, but also a man we can count on. The list on the left will show you how to handle all the objections we might have.

1.The Signals

I've already sent you the Zoolander eye lock, the eyebrow raise, and/or at least two smiles (full, open-lipped, teeth smiles). Come over here and talk to me already. Caveat: There's a small chance I just think you're funny looking, but go ahead, have some balls. I'm worth it.

2.Say Anything

Convince me (quickly). Once you have the green light, it doesn't matter what you say first. You now have 5 minutes to convince me to keep talking. Make the most of it. Don’t strain for a joke, don’t feed me a line, don’t try to impress me with a compliment or intellectual insight. Just talk to me like a person, which is what I am.

3.Get Her Number

Give me a reason. If you want my number, say something simple and direct. "You're fun. Can I give you a call?" works. Pound the number into your cellphone, or borrow a pen from the bartender. (It's your job; you're the asker.) And later, ask me, don't "e" me or text me. Don't be a wuss. If you want to see me, pick up the phone. E-mails can wait for later.

4.The Phone Call

Obey the 2-day-rule. If you call within 24 hours, you'll seem desperate. If you wait 3 days, I'll be annoyed that you purposely waited 3 days. So call on day 2. One of two things will happen: 1. I'll pick up. You say, "Hey, Lisa Jones, this is Will—the guy you danced to 'Blue Monday' with on Saturday night. How was the rest of your weekend? I want to see you again. Are you available on Wednesday? There's a new tiki bar/restaurant/museum exhibit I've been meaning to check out." 2. You'll get my voice mail. Identify yourself and your intentions. Then make sure to say these crucial words: "Sorry I missed you. Give me a call back. Otherwise, I'll try you again, and we can make plans." This allows you to call back without wondering whether I got your message.

5.Your Plan

Remember, a man plans ahead. If you want to see me this weekend, call me by Thursday, please. If you want to see me naked tonight, call me before you're drunk at 1 a.m. Don't ask me to "hang out." When you ask me to "hang out" and it's just the two of us and you don't have a girlfriend (or boyfriend), I assume it's a date. To avoid confusion, say, "I'd like to take you out" instead of, "Wanna hang out?"

6.Quitting Time

If you call me twice and get no callback, game over. Don't keep calling, e-mailing, or sending flowers. In Meg Ryan movies, or when Keanu Reeves performs them, these gestures say "bold romantic." In reality, when you do them, they say "stalker."