Showing posts with label better sex. Show all posts
Showing posts with label better sex. Show all posts

August 03, 2008

Why Nice Guys Finish Last

By April Masini

Are you a nice guy who has always wondered why the cocky guy -- the one who barely appears interested in the girl -- is usually the one who gets the girl?
Have you suffered from hearing the words, "You're a really nice guy, but I only like you as a friend," from a woman who you would do (or may, in fact, have already done) just about anything and everything for -- only to turn around and watch her date (or even chase) a guy who treats her like she's nothing special? And are you stumped wondering why she would date a guy who treats her like that when she could have you who would treat her like a princess and give her everything she wants? Well, you better brace yourself because I'm going to tell you a couple of secrets that you might not want to hear.

First, "nice" equates with boring and predictable. Look up "nice" in the dictionary and you find: pleasant; agreeable; satisfactory. In other words, average -- not exceptional, not exciting, and not sexy.I'll bet you've never heard a woman say she didn't want to date a guy because he was too confident, too passionate, or too exciting -- have you? But, I'll bet you have heard women say things like, "He's such a nice guy. He's so sweet and he's always there for me, but I only like him as a friend." Or, "He's such a good guy -- kind, thoughtful, generous, honest, loyal -- but there's no chemistry. He just doesn't turn me on." Sadly, I hear it all the time. The fact is, Mr. Nice Guy, you cannot bore a woman into feeling attracted to you or into wanting to date you. And as obvious as that sounds, if you are one of those guys I described that is exactly what you are trying to do. And it won't work.
Please understand that I am not suggesting that you mistreat women or disrespect them in any way.

What I suggesting is that you value and respect yourself more.

To illustrate what I mean: The answer to the question, "Why does the guy who doesn't appear to care as much about the girl get the girl?" is simple: The nice guy cares too much, too soon. He has made the woman too important and too valuable and it shows in everything he says and does. He is too available, too eager to please, too accommodating, and he gives too much -- all without getting anything in return. By doing so, he has made himself appear desperate, insecure, needy of this woman's attention, affection, and approval -- and he has stripped himself of any value in her eyes. After all, if he's already doing and giving everything, without her doing or giving anything - why would she value him? She won't. She is not going to value him any more than he values himself. What she is going to do is look for someone else, someone who she perceives as being more worthy, more confident, and more valuable.

It works like this:

Once you need something, or you want it too badly, you forfeit your strength and lose all power of negotiation. You are in a position of weakness and you are perceived as weak. Someone (or something) else is in control of you, the situation, and it's outcome. Men in this situation appear to be anything but confident, strong, and exciting. More, they are perceived as being unworthy and as lacking value.
Translation: Things that are easily acquired, obtained, or maintained, without any effort or sacrifice, lack value... it's human nature.

The secret to why the cocky guy wins with women, over the nice guy, is that he is perceived as being a stronger, more confident guy with more value. How? He never invests everything -- his entire being, ego, and self-worth in what one woman's response or reaction to him is. He doesn't gush with compliments; he isn't always available; he doesn't give too much; and he knows he isn't going to die if a woman says "no" to him. More, his attitude is, yeah, I'd like to go out with you, but if I can't, that's OK -- I'm a busy guy, with exciting things going on, and lots of other options. Read More......

March 24, 2008

Jumpstart Your Sex Life

Simple strategies that will turn your old flame into a towering inferno
Photographs by: Michael Dweck, By: Steve Calechman

Repetition is great--if you're learning Spanish, grooving your backhand, or making sure the sutures don't rupture. But it's death for your sex life, turning the pursuit of happiness into a holding pattern. Over Newark.

Well, enough of that stuff. It's time to accelerate your pulse with some good, clean, original sex. It doesn't mean risking arrest in a public garden--although it could--but it does mean injecting surprise into the proceedings. Yes, surprise--even if you think you know her body better than the quickest route to the local 7-Eleven.

We have 32 ideas to launch a voyage of sexual discovery unlike anything you've seen . . . at least since Cindy Lou let down her guard senior year. The difference now: You know what you're doing, and you have a partner who deserves your respect, attention, and devotion. So make the most of it. Now, repeat after us, "I will . . . "





1. START THE ACTION ANYWHERE EXCEPT THE BEDROOM.The same old place is too conducive to the same old patterns, says Stella Resnick, Ph.D., a psychologist in West Hollywood and author of The Pleasure Zone. Explore some new erogenous areas: The kitchen. The bathroom. Quebec City. Your bodies will be in new places, making it unlikely that you'll follow old routines.

2. COMPLIMENT HER.And keep doing it . . . at least five times a day. It'll make her feel noticed, special, and appreciated, and she'll feel closer to you. "The more connected she feels, the more sexually inspired she'll feel," says Laura Berman, Ph.D., director of the Berman Center in Chicago. Compliment what she feels good about and cares about--her hair, shoes, singing voice, work triumphs--says Gloria Brame, Ph.D., a sex therapist and the author of Come Hither: A Commonsense Guide to Kinky Sex. A confident sex partner is an adventurous sex partner.

3. GO CANOEING OR HIKING.Add a distinct but manageable touch of danger to the day. It will stimulate dopamine in her brain, which may trigger her sex drive, says Helen Fisher, Ph.D., an anthropologist at Rutgers University and the author of Why We Love. Pick the right trip--a guided whitewater excursion, for instance--and learn all about both the risks and the precautions you'll take. She'll see you as the cause of the excitement, as well as the source of security. Book the right B&B for the afternoon dry-off and you're set.

4. WATCH PORN WITH THE SOUND OFF . . .Sure, you'll miss the snappy plumber-housewife banter. But now you two provide the dialogue. You'll learn how to talk erotically, so it's educational. But it's also fun, you're both invested in it, and it can help reveal fantasies, says Ava Cadell, Ph.D., a sex therapist and the author of Love around the House. And you'll probably find some way to kill time during the sex scenes.

5. . . . OR SEE A CHICK FLICK.Maybe porn isn't her thing. But Pitt, Clooney, or McConaughey might be, and for her, these guys are porn, Brame says. She'll be fantasizing about a man who's sweet and will treat her well. And when he kisses the flirty female lead, you kiss your lady at the same time. Show her that reality--her life--can be better than that.

6. FEED HER BLACK LICORICE.Bring it along when you're watching the Clooney flick. Black licorice has been shown to speed up her genital bloodflow by 40 percent, Cadell says.


7. CRAFT FANTASIES.Some Saturday afternoon when you're feeling frisky, pour wine and divide 10 3x5 cards between you and your mate. Each of you writes down five sexual fantasies while the wine loosens your inhibitions. Then head out to a restaurant, where you can get a booth and some privacy in a public setting. Over dinner and more wine, pull out the cards and discuss. You'll feel filthy discussing this stuff in hushed voices in a public place, which is exactly the point. Your goal: Make three piles--"yes," "maybe someday," and "not on your life." Put the possibles in a shoe box, and once a month (she feels sexiest before she ovulates), pull a winner. Any necessary planning--you can't go with just any football player/cheer- leader outfits--heightens the anticipation, Cadell says.


8. EXPLORE NEW REGIONS.You've heard about her nipples and vagina? Good. Now spend some time on the back of her neck. It's a brave new world of nerve endings, so gentle caressing and kissing are all that's needed. The base of her spine is sensation central, as well. Or gently stroke and kiss her belly just above the pubic hairline. Sex becomes about discovery, not seeking some destination. "Goal-oriented sex is not that sexy," Brame says.


9. TAKE AN OVERNIGHT TRAIN.There are stimulators all around, from the dining car to the passing landscape, to trying to walk and balance a gin-and-tonic in the aisle. And there's also your sleeping compartment, your own special sex-womb-with-a-view. It's a new place, and it moves, which adds a new dynamic. And it's somewhat public; there'll be new excitement when you're in flagrante delicto and the train stops, and people are outside your window.

10. SPEND A NIGHT IN TIBET.Try the Yab-Yum position, which is how they talk dirty in Asia. You both sit up, and she faces you, sitting on your lap with a pillow under her bottom, for easier penetration. You'll have constant contact with her clitoris, but she'll control the pressure. Move slowly. "The emotional connection makes it intense," says Lou Paget, a sex educator in Los Angeles and the author of The Great Lover Playbook.

11. INVITE HER TO DITCH HER UNDERWEAR DURING DINNER.The naked secret you now share will linger through dessert, says Pepper Schwartz, Ph.D., a sociology professor at the University of Washington and the author of The Great Sex Weekend.


12. TALK IN PUBLIC.Lie on a blanket in a park, with people all around, and whisper your fantasies to one another, sparing no detail. You'll create sexual tension, but there's safety because there's no possibility of sex then and there. "It's just plain sexy to start something that can't be finished right then," Fisher says. When you return home later, spread out the blanket on the floor--a different location--and release the tension.


13. TAKE HER TO AN ETHNIC RESTAURANT IN A NEW PART OF TOWN.Dopamine is an ideal sex lubricant, and in any new experience, the jets are on. When walking in unfamiliar territory, put your arm around her. There's the thrill of the unknown, but you're guiding her through it--a potent mix. "It might make her want to have sex with you," Fisher says.


14. VISIT THE EROTICA SECTION OF THE BOOKSTORE.That in itself will fuel your imaginations. Make some purchases, then read them to each other. You'll discover new interests that, amazingly, never came up when you were buying garden supplies. Feel free to enact a scene. Check out Heat Wave: Sizzling Sex Stories, by Alison Tyler; Five Minute Erotica, by Carol Queen; and the Black Lace Series, by Kerri Sharp.


15. USE FRAGRANCE FOR FOREPLAY.Spray a touch of the cologne she loves on the sheets. A study by Indiana University found that women who fantasized while smelling a popular men's cologne were more aroused than when smelling women's cologne or a neutral odor. If you don't have a scent, shop for one with her. That's foreplay, too.


16. LEAVE HOME.Plan a trip without the kids, because Mom and Dad must also be husband and wife. (Lastminute.com and site59.com specialize in packaged getaways.) Take lots of pictures; in a few months, go through them with her, slowly, and recall all the great stuff that happened--the sights, the food, the long mornings in bed. The feeling will come hurtling back, Schwartz says--without airfare this time.

17. THROW THE TV OUT OF THE BEDROOM.It sucks up time, makes you zone out, and takes focus away from what the room is for, Wiley says.
18. CLIMB TO ONE PEAK AT A TIME.Some couples feel pressure to reach orgasm at the same moment. But that's like coordinating Patriots and Red Sox championships in the same year: nice when it happens, but improbable. So on a night when you're both primed to try something different, resolve to go for one orgasm at a time, without intercourse. As a gentleman, you'll insist that she go first, naturally. It will take some practice--and lots of moaned instructions--to get the manual stimulation or oral timing just right. Which can only be good. Focusing on her solo pleasure will teach you useful lessons to employ the next time you strive for the Lombardi trophy together.

19. EXPERIENCE THE CUBAN PLUNGE."?Queín es eso?" you ask, in junior-high-school Spanish. It's sex with a three-chili rating. Here's how you do it: As you assume the man-on-top position, ask her to bring her knees to her chest and drape her legs over your shoulders. Her vagina will be elongated and extended, and your penetration will be deeper and more pleasurable for her, which qualifies as a win-win situation. "You can feel intense friction against her genital area with each thrust," says Diana Wiley, Ph.D., a therapist at UCLA's female sexual medicine center.

20. KISS FOR 12 SECONDS.As a relationship ages, pecks on the cheek become the default, and they're about as erotic as a pair of baggy sweatpants. A long, lingering smooch reintroduces you to each other. Give her two a day: one in the morning before one of you leaves, and one as soon as you're both home. Mouths open. Arms around each other. "If you kiss like that for the rest of your lives, passion will never fade," Cadell says.
Read More......

March 23, 2008

Countries with the Best Sex Lives

It's official: Foreign men have more sex, with more women, than American guys। We traveled the globe to find out how they do it। (And no, it's not their accents।)


By: Lauren Murrow


Countries with the Best Sex Lives!!!


Yet, there are the stats. According to a Men's Health survey of 40,000 readers worldwide, foreign men have sex up to 70 more times a year than you do. So much for our superpower status. But don't worry--we have a plan. We took a trip around the world to find out what makes men from other countries so attractive to the women they pursue. We also enlisted the help of sex experts around the globe to save you from another sexless night। Master their tips and soon you'll simply be able to say "G'day" and mate.



England : Take Her, Outside
Hugh Grant has typecast British men as meek and bumbling. But according to a 2005 Durex survey of 317,000 people in 41 countries, these blokes are so irresistible, their partners can't even wait to get back to the flat. Twice as many Brits as Americans report having had sex on public transportation and in alleyways and gardens. "Many a chap has fallen in love in the checkout line at the supermarket," says Vicki Ford, a British psychosexual therapist and the author of Overcoming Sexual Problems. And apparently they consummate it on the way home.

How To Do It: Arouse her temptation। Pull her into a side alley or a dark doorway and plant one while gently stroking her neck, suggests Emily Dubberley, a British sex expert and the author of Brief Encounters. "Fear of being caught stimulates her fight-or-flight response," explains Ford. "Adrenaline floods her system, making everything feel much more intense."



Australia : Drive Her wild



We Americans love our cars, but Australians love in their cars. Almost 75 percent of Aussies have had sex on the road, according to Durex. "We can always find a private space to get it on," says Jan Hall, Ph.D., an Australian sex therapist. The car provides the ideal cover: "Sneaking away for a surreptitious shag or fondle says, 'I can't wait,' " says Gabrielle Morrissey, Ph.D., Australian author of A Year of Spicy Sex.

How To Do It: Heading to a party is the perfect opportunity to lure her over to the driver's side--the mood is up, and you're dressed to the nines. Playfully graze her inner thigh with your fingertips. Suggest that it's proper to be fashionably late--how should we fill the time?--and park on a secluded street for a quickie. "It's like sharing a secret all night," Morrissey says, "especially if you've promised each other an encore."

Romania : Play it straight



Meeting women is easy, if you're not sidetracked by insecurity ("Is she looking at me?"), coy games ("Have our waitress ask her waitress what she's drinking"), or body-language interpretation ("Dude, her eyes say no, but the angle of her feet says olé!"). When Romanian men want a woman, they tell her. "The men here have a lot of self-confidence," says Felicia Abaza, sex editor of Men's Health Romania. "And the women are tuned to respond to it."

How To Do It:
Tired come-ons will fall flat। Instead, lean in unexpectedly and whisper in her ear, "I just had to be near you." Be mindful of your tone. Brash: bad. Calm: good. "Caress her with your voice," says Patricia Cihodaru, Ms.C., a Romanian psychologist and sex expert. And when you've become friendly enough that you won't get a punch in the chops, "say she looks beautiful and tell her how much you want her," says Cihodaru. "Hearing your desire is the strongest aphrodisiac."



China : Build Tension with technology


Forget the 3-day rule. In China, men follow up the day after a successful date--by e-mail. "Technology plays a big role in relationships here," says Yoyoo Chow, sex editor of Men's Health China. "Most couples meet over the Internet. So if a man doesn't take the initiative, she'll find someone else pretty quickly."

How To Do It: Send a short, suggestive note, says Chow. Something as simple as "Last night . . . wow! When can I see you again?" will incite her interest. If she feels the same way, she'll respond accordingly. As the sexual tension builds, resist the temptation to pour out your soul or create a list of your top 10 fantasies. At this early stage, short equals sexy--always. And remember: Use of emoticons will ensure that you spend the night alone.

Read More......

March 22, 2008

Science


Jupiter's other spots. Charged particles traveling in Jupiter's magnetic fields generate an auroral light show, just like northern (and southern) lights in Earth's polar regions. Io, a Jupiter moon, actually generates its own bright spot on Jupiter, shown with an arrow in this ultraviolet image taken by the Hubble space telescope. The light comes from charged particles originating from Io's volcanoes. Now teams of scientists from Belgium and Germany have discovered a fainter dot, also produced by Io, that had not been predicted, seen to the left of the arrowed dot.



Early sex? The circles show where tubular organisms known as Funisia dorothea attached themselves to the sea floor 565 million years ago, or 20 million years before the Cambrian explosion that gave rise to a multiplicity of multicelled animals. Funisia lived in an idyllic world that lacked predators, but the organisms living then might not have been as simple as many thought. Mary Droser of the University of California, Riverside, and James G. Gehling of the South Australia Museum found fossils where Funisia were in groups of 5 to 15 individuals of similar size, suggesting that a large number of offspring were born at one time. This type of reproduction by primitive animals like sponges and corals usually involves sexual reproduction.



Read More......

March 21, 2008

5 Secrets for Better SEX!

There's more to the campus sex scene than plentiful booze and raging hormones. College students are unwitting practitioners of little-known mating rituals that can reignite your sex life

By: Nicole Beland

It's 4 a.m. and I'm drinking Blue Moon beer at an off-campus house party with a University of Florida senior nicknamed Tones. Tones shares the house with his brother and three friends. He has spiky, blond hair, and has let his kimono hang open, revealing a pair of package-hugging briefs. A few girls in matching minidresses are perched on the edge of a pool table, wondering aloud whether they should change into T-shirts for a soak in the 12-person hot tub. Others jam to Guitar Hero on a huge TV, mix drinks in the kitchen, or smoke while watching YouTube videos in one of the bedrooms -- which is outfitted with a vibrating, adjustable, memory-foam mattress.

Tones shows me his tattoos, then stares into my eyes, as if to say, "Wouldn't it be fun just to disappear for a second and bone in the shower?" Maybe it would be fun. But I'm 10 years his senior (and engaged), so I excuse myself to watch animated penguins lip-synch to rapper Soulja Boy on someone's 17-inch MacBook Pro.

This is the sort of scene most grown men described when I asked them to look at their college days in a rearview mirror. They told me about parties fueled by cheap booze, big speakers, and ample student bodies. They quoted Old School. They wallowed in Girls Gone Wild-style highlights. And then, inevitably, they said something like, "If only there were a way to recapture that magic."

Here's the thing: You can. Recent research suggests that there's more to the college sex scene than free-flowing alcohol and runaway hormones. I visited a handful of campuses and talked with experts around the country to figure out those secrets. What follows is your five-point plan for re-creating the steamiest parts of your undergrad experience. Read More......